bestfriendswheneverfandomcom-20200214-history
A Time to Jump and Jam/Transcript
This page is the transcript for Shelby and Cyd's bedroom Cyd: Does Diesel look okay to you? Shelby: He has patchy hair, flaky skin, and droopy eye. So same as always! Cyd: Looks like he's been eating old food mixed with my clothes. Shelby: Oh, that explains why my mom washed a taco! Oh my gosh, Is this a pizza-slam-ritto from seventh grade? I mean, a pepperoni pizza wrapped in pizza guacamole? That campaign should not have bragged about giving it you flavor twitches! Cyd: Pizza slam ritto, I loved these things. (throws old pizza slam ritto on ground) I even made up a theme song. "Slam the pizza! Slam, slam the pizza! Roll it, hole it, you can even guacamole it! Slam... Ritto!" Shelby: Of course I remember that song, it's the same as your song for the bathroom. "Scrub the toilet! Scrub, scrub the toilet. Brush it, flush it, you can even guacamole it" which is why I'm the one who cleans the bathrooms. Cyd: Now I really want a pizza slam ritto! Hey, let's time travel back to the day before the health board banned them for being tummy-busting. Hugs Cyd: Why aren't we jumping? Tighter! Tighter! Put some muscle into it, woman! IT'S NOT WORKING! Shelby: Maybe our power's broken. Cyd: I guess I'll eat this old pizza slam ritto. Shelby: Ooh, too late. I think Diesel beat you to it. Cyd: Lucky dog he's got my flavor twitches! Theme Song Plays In the High School commons Cyd: Barry! Shelby and I tried to time travel and it didn't work. Is it possible we've lost our power? Barry: One second, I'm just doing some quick calculations. Cyd: So, did we lose our power to time travel? Barry: No idea, I was just calculating what percent of this applesauce is cricket parts. It really should be zero. Naldo: Applesauce is made out of apples, but barbecue sauce goes on barbecue. Sauces right? Cyd: I can't believe we lost our power, this is awful! Shelby, why don't you think this is awful? You've been so quiet and you're terrified of silence. Shelby: I'm not terrified of silence. Cyd: Nobody talk for ten seconds. Shelby: Fine! I'm blocking us from time travelling. Naldo: And buffalo sauce isn't made of buffalo and doesn't go on buffalo. Cyd: What do you mean "blocking us"? Shelby: Well when you hugged me to jump back for a pizza slam ritto, I concentrated really hard on not jumping and we didn't. Cyd: You jammed my jump? Barry is that even possible. Barry: Well according to this calculation, this milk has exceeded the recommended daily allowance of millipede. Which again, should be zero. Naldo: Why isn't it called salad sauce? What the heck is dressing? Why is no one concerned about this? Shelby: You know I think Naldo's onto something. Dressing, right? Cyd: No, don't change the subject, why don't you want to go back to that day? Is there something you're hiding? Shelby: (high pitched) What? Does this look like the face of somebody hiding something? Naldo: This might just be the millipede milk talking, but I think she's hiding something. In Barry's Lab Barry: These results make no sense. A meatless burger should not have human DNA. Naldo: Maybe you're doing it the wrong way. Barry: (laughs) Oh you're serious. Well I'm doing it with science. Naldo: Some problems can't solved with the brain in here. They have to be solved with the brain in here. Barry: That's your heart. Naldo: Yeah, that's the brain I'm talking about. You have to see it in here. You have to believe. Barry: Ronaldo, you cannot believe something into being. That's not science. That's hogwash. Naldo: Barry, as someone who's been washed by a hog I find that offensive. Chet: Can you guys help us build model rockets for science class? Barry: One of us can and one of us can't. Bret: We want the one who can. Barry: This is the perfect opportunity for Ronaldo and I to settle a disagreement we've been having of want scientific approach is best. Chet: Nice going Bret, you set him off on a tangent. Barry: Then it's decided. I will take Chet- Bret: No! Barry: Bret. And we will build a rocket using our brains. Naldo: And I will take Bret- Chet: No! Naldo: Chet. And we will make the rocket fly by using our hearts. Barry: Wait a minute, Ronaldo did you say you've been washed by a hog? Naldo: (Nods) Chet: I got the good one. In Cyd and Shelby's bedroom Shelby: *reads book* Cyd: Slam ritto! (tackles Shelby) Shelby: What are you doing? Cyd: You're jamming us from travelling back to pizza slam ritto day, so I felt: I gotta resort to the sneak attack. Shelby: You're trying to jack my jam? Cyd: Because you're jamming my jump! Shelby: Cyd, I'm not going back to pizza slam ritto day. Cyd: Oh you will. I'm gonna roll you, hole you, and when you least expect it, guacamole you. Slam... ritto! Later Cyd: (grabs ankle) Slam ritto! Jump jammed. Oh I really like your socks. Later Shelby: (carefully puts laundry away) Cyd: Wait come back I fell asleep! Later. Cyd: Could you open the window please? Slam ritto! I really had faith in that one. Later. Cyd: Come on, Shelby. Why wont you go back to that day? What are you trying to hide? Shelby: Okay, fine. The reason I don't want to go back to that day is because that's the day my cat ran away. Cyd: Nope. Shelby: I went over my data plan. Cyd: Nuh-uh. Shelby: Third reason. Cyd: Okay, you leave me no choice. I'm gonna do the one thing that makes you let your guard down. Shelby: No no not the doomsday option. You promised you would never go there. Cyd: You brought it on yourself. Ticky Ticky Ticky Ticky Ticky Ticky. Shelby: (laughs) It's not the tickling! It's the way you say ticky ticky. It's so weird! Jumps to 2013 Shelby: Ha ha ha-- (groans) Cyd: Yes, pizza slam ritto! We're back in seventh grade! Shelby: Stupid doomsday option. Cyd: Let's take a time selfie and see what we looked like back now. Shelby: Oh, my awkward phase. Cyd: It was my awkward phase too. Remember my mom wouldn't let me shave my legs? It was the summer of pants. Shelby: Yep awkward for both of us, let's jump back! Cyd: Look there's Jen! She's handing out invitations... wait, this is the day Jen didn't invite us to her birthday party. That's why you didn't want to come back here. Shelby: Yeah, you were so bummed when she invited the whole school except us. Cyd: You were just trying to protect me from reliving that weren't you? Shelby: Yeah, so come on. Let's get out of here. We don't need to relive her not inviting us to her party. Jen: I'm inviting you to my party. Cyd: I don't get it. In the original past Jen never invited us. Why is this past different? Shelby: Because! Um... ooh, a pizza slam ritto! (Bites) Wow, those flavor twitches really come at ya! Commercial Break Cyd: Jen invited us to her party. Why is this past different then I remember? Shelby: Well maybe your memory isn't as sharp as it used to be. I mean, face it Cyd, you're getting old. Did you hear that Cyd? I said you're getting old! Now let's go back to the present. Cyd: Were not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on. Do you really want to relive middle school again? This is the year you got your first peer- Shelby: Agh! Not my first peer- Cyd: Yep, your first peer counseling session with Ms. Kempher. And all she wanted to do was talk about your period. Shelby: Ugh, I cannot go through that again. Look. Cyd, Jen did invite us to your party. But, in that past Jen gave me the invitations. I threw them out and let you think you were never invited. Cyd: But you knew how much I wanted to be friends with Jen. She's cool, she's real, and she's comfortable enough with herself to fart in front of dudes. Shelby: I was trying to protect you. I mean, Jen is bad news. With her tattoos, and her purple hair, and a third reason. Cyd: I can't believe I missed out on two years of "cool times with Jen!" I'm gonna go get me some of that! Shelby: Wait, I'll fart in front of dudes with you! Augh! The mind is willing, but the body isn't! 2015, Barry's lab Barry: Bret why are you dressed like me? Bret: I always dress like the person I'm playing with. Why do you think I dress like Chet? Barry: Because you're identical twins? Bret: That's crazy talk. Barry: Okay then. It's time for us to use the brain to build our rocket. First we must ask ourselves the first question every scientist asks before beginning an project. Why? Bret: Why? Barry: Exactly, you're catching on quick. Bret: Why? Barry: Well clearly, I'm an excellent teacher. Bret: Why? Barry: Okay, stop asking me why. Bret: Why? Barry: That was a test; never stop asking why! Naldo: (walks inside lab) Sorry to interrupt Barry; I just wanted to get a quick snack. Bret: Why? Naldo: Gosh, I never thought about it. Am I hungry or just bored? Barry: So Ronaldo, you can see we're off to a great start using our brains. How is your heart rocket going? Naldo: Heart Rocket? That's an awesome name for a band! Barry: Oh shuds! I thought I was mocking you, but it is an awesome name for a band. How about this. How's your heart quest for rocketry going? Naldo: Heart Quest for Rocketry could be Heart Rocket's first single! Barry: Shuds! That's the perfect name for Heart Rocket's first single! Naldo: Anyway, it's going great. We're getting really close. Gotta go. (looks at snack) You're right. I don't need this. I was just hungry! Barry: You hear that? Naldo and Chet are getting really close to finishing their rocket. We need to spy on them and observe their progress. I'm talking espionage. Duplicity. The subtle art of covert observation. Are you with me? Bret: You have bushy eyebrows. 2013, High School Commons Shelby: So now, Cyd's off trying to cram two years of "Cool times with Jen" into one day. Sounds like a recipe for disaster, right little Barry? Barry: I wish you'd stop calling me 'Little Barry', it bothers me. I'm already twelve and I haven't hit my growth spurt yet. Shelby: Don't worry. It'll happen. Probably in two years. Barry: Yeah, I bet in two years I'll be taller, powerfully muscled and super cool! Shelby: You'll be taller! Cyd and Jen: Roll it, hole it, you can even guacamole it. Slam! Ritto. Cyd: Jen, we are having some cool times right now! What do you say we get into some trouble and make some memories. You down for that? Jen: Whatever. Cyd: Wow, you said it and it tattooed on your knuckles. I've never seen someone care so much about not caring! Shelby: Gah, Jen is already a bad influence on Cyd. Before you know it, they'll drop out of school, go on a crime spree, go to prison, get paroled, get offered a spot in the jail-to-job program called the Second Chance Bakery, but they won't take it. 'Cause they're bad girls! Barry: What are you talking about? Jen is really nice! Even when I laugh at her misplaced modifiers. "At six months old, my father built a house for me." She's making it sound like her father's a baby contractor! Shelby: Ha, ha! That's hilarious! A baby can't get a contracting licence in the state of Oregon! Barry: Well that is not why it's funny. Shelby: Maybe Jen is nice to you, but just look at her! That purple hair, those tattoos. Barry: Those tattoos are temporary. She spends her weekends giving them to kids at the hospital. She even has "whatever" on her knuckles because she'll do whatever it takes for those kids. Shelby: But that would mean I was judging Jen before I got to know her first. Is that what I was doing? Barry: Actually, Jen reminds me a lot of Cyd. They're both tough on the outside but sweet on the inside. Like this coconut which I've been carrying around with me in case I need to make an analogy. Your work here is done. (Throws coconut) Shelby: Oh my gosh, Jen and Cyd do have a lot in common. Maybe deep down inside that's what I was afraid of when I threw away those invitations. I've got to go. Thanks little Barry. Naldo: Hey buddy! Barry: Ronaldo, you had your growth spurt two months ago. Why are you wearing your old clothes? Naldo: Because you haven't had your growth spurt. We made a pact. I don't shop in the men section until you can shop in the men section. Bros before grows. Barry: Thanks Ronaldo. Growing up is hard. Naldo: I know, just like coconuts. Can you believe someone threw away this perfectly good analogy coconut? 2015, Barry's lab Barry: For the past hour, all Ronaldo and Chet have been doing is staring up at the sky. How could they possibly get close to finishing their rocket? But I know Ronaldo he wouldn't lie and say he was close unless they were close. Outside Naldo: I'm so happy this project has allowed up to get so close. To each other and become friends. Which is what I meant by close. Chet: We are close. Aren't we? Naldo: I was just telling Barry how close we are. He seemed genuinely interested in our closeness. Inside Barry: I can't hear what they're saying! If only I could get closer. But I can't go there, they'd recognize me. And the only disguise I have is too small for me. I need someone smaller to fit into it. (Sarcastically) But who? Bret: I'll go get Chet. He loves to spy. Barry: No, we're spying on Chet. You have to do it. Bret: Chet's going to be so jealous. I'm gonna go tell him. Outside Barry: Bret, move into position. Chet: When do we get to see our rocket fly? Naldo: A rocket doesn't fly unless you believe it does. Barry: I can't hear. Implement phase 2. Naldo: Close your eyes Chet. Chet: How will I see a rocket if I close my eyes? Naldo: You're not gonna see the rocket with your face eyes. You're gonna see it fly with your heart eyes. Chet: Do you know how the body works? Naldo: No, but I believe it does! Barry: Oh, thank goodness I have no idea what they're doing. Bret, get back in here. This is no time to spy we have a rocket to build. Bret what's taking so long? Bret: Diesel's in my pot! Barry: Well get him out. Bret: I can't. I think I'm in his territory now. 2013 High school hallway Shelby: Little Barry! I've looked everywhere for Cyd and Jen but I couldn't find them, and why are you suddenly taller? Barry: If I don't do this, Ronaldo will continue to look silly. Shelby: I really want to find Cyd and apologize. I never should've stopped her from being friends with Jen. Why would I think Jen wold get her into trouble. Outside, in a police car Officer Nesbit: You girls are in deep trouble! I'm gonna go tell your principal that I'm taking you downtown. But first, have one of these delicious cookies I made! Because in the joint, it's nothing but bologna sandwiches and toilet punch! Cyd: So, no cookies? Commercial Break Outside, in a police car Cyd: I can't believe we wasted that case of pizza slam rittos. One afternoon with you and I'm already in the back of a police car! Man, you are so tough. Jen: I'm so scared! (Sobs) Cyd: Okay, a little less tough. Jen: Everyone warned me. "Stay away from the girl who wore pants all summer, she is bad news." But I didn't want to judge you. (sobs) I should have judged you! Cyd: Judge me? But you're the bad girl! You're cool times with Jen with the 'whatever knuckles.' And why are they rubbing off all over your face? Jen: (sobbing) They're temporary. Cyd: Look Jen, I'm really sorry. When I said "Let's boosh that case of pizza slam rittos" and you said "No please, I don't want to get in trouble" I thought you were being sarcastic but I'm beginning to think I read that wrong. 2015, Barry's Lab Barry: The rocket is complete. The hatch is open. (zips) The hatch is closed. The skylight is open. Ignition in T minus 5, 4... Perhaps you'd feel more comfortable if you'd change? Bret: He wont let me. Barry: (shrugs) 3, 2, 1. (launches rocket) Outside Naldo: This is it Chet, see the rocket. See it with your heart eyes. Chet: Naldo, I see the rocket! Naldo: With your heart eyes? Chet And with my face eyes! Naldo: We did it Chet! I told you all we had to do is believe! Barry: See that Ronaldo? We win. That's our rocket. Naldo: That's not your rocket, that's our rocket. Barry: But we built it. Naldo: But we believed we would see a rocket and we saw a rocket. Barry: Because I made one, and launched it. Naldo: Okay Barry, I'm done with it. It can be your rocket now. Barry: It was always my rocket! 2013, Police car Cyd: Okay, let it out. Let it out. (Jen cries) Hold it in. Hold it in. (Jen hyperventilates) That's worse, let it out. Let it out. (Jen cries) Shelby: Oh my gosh, you guys okay? Jen: Your friend just ruined my life! Shelby: Look Jen, I know you're not going to understand this, but I'm sorry I misjudged you. You know, I kind of started this whole- (Jen runs out) Wow, she is fast! Cyd: Too bad she doesn't run that fast with a case of slam rittos on her back. Guess I went a little overboard trying to have cool times with Jen. Shelby: You were only doing it because I kept her from being friends with her in the first place. And I know why. You and Jen are coconuts. Cyd: Hey! I think. I don't know. I have no idea what that means. Shelby: I was afraid you and Jen had so much in common that you'd like her more than me and if you became friends I would lose you. Cyd: So you kept me from being friends with Jen because you wanted me all to yourself? Shelby: Yeah. Do we have an unhealthy relationship? Cyd: Yeah. But it works. I didn't want to ruin Jen's life. The only life I want to ruin, is yours. Shelby: I am so okay with that. Cyd: Do we need help? Shelby: Yeah. So, what do you say we get the heck out of this cop car? Cyd: Future me! (high-fives) Future Lab Cyd: Too far in the future! Shelby: Someone's coming! (Guy in the hazmat suit walks in) Shelby and Cyd: Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!! (hands touch) 2015, Shelby's bedroom Cyd: I can't believe we went back to that scary future lab again! Shelby: And who was that man in the suit? Cyd: Why you gotta assume it was a man? Shelby: You know, you're right. Women can do anything. We are doctors, lawyers, a third thing! We can strap people to tables and experiment on them! Cyd: We will not be held back! Shelby: Good for that women scientist strapping us to those tables! Cyd: Why are we suddenly on her side? She's strapping us to tables. Shelby: You're right. Let's go back to assuming it was a dude. Cyd: I hate that jerk. In the Marcus family's backyard. Naldo: Isn't it great how if you believe in something it can happen? Bret: I'm believing in a 3 foot hero. Chet: I'm believing in a 3 foot hero. Bret: Mine's a turkey and pastrami. Chet: Mine's a really short fireman. Naldo: I'm believing in that cute girl Becky from math class. (Diesel licks his face) It's happening! And her breath smelled just like I imagined! Episode ends Category:Transcripts Category:Episode transcripts